The key(s)

   (1,2,3.Jt)     to boosting a man’s ego without putting your own needs second place

By DORIS WALFIELD             STAR 5-6-80

Women often ruin relationships by sacrificing their own needs and desires to build up a man’s ego, according to a prominent sex and marriage therapist.

     Dr. Shirley Zussman, who has a private practice in New York City, says:

     “Eventually a woman becomes depressed, resentful and angry when she continually pushes back her feeling in favor of her partner.

     “She may become sarcastic or short-tampered and lose her sexual attraction to him.”

     Dr. Zussman should that despite women’s liberation; many females still neglected themselves and mad pleasing a man their main objective in a loving situation.

     They also sake the same mistake in other areas of a relationship, and it only makes them feel like “second-class citizens.” She warned.

     “One woman came to see me because she was tired of taking a back seat to her husband,” she said, quoting a case history.

     “Although she was a charming, intelligent woman, she continually did what her husband wanted.

     “I hear this kind of thing all the time. If a woman is invited some where she is rarely decisive, and instead says that she will have to ask her husband about it.

     “Of course, he should be consulted because the situation requires a mutual decision and it is ego boosting for him when his needs and wants are taken into consideration.

   “But instead of always obeying their husband’s wishes, woman should indicate their own desires and see if their husband is in agreement.”

     Dr. Zussman says that if women expressed their feelings more often, their husbands would probably take them into consideration when making decisions.

   “But don’t go to the opposite extreme and force your man to go along with your social plans.” she warned.

   “He would resent not being consulted initially, and would feel you don’t feel him important enough to consider his feelings. Total sacrifice can be as bad for a man as it is for woman.”

     Dr. Zussman offered the following tips on how a woman can boost her husband; ego without deflating her own

·        Take responsibility  for your own sexuality and satisfaction. Recognize that while your husband enjoys having you satisfy his needs, he also wants the pleasure and satisfaction of doing the same for you. Pleasing you is a stimulant for him. But he can do it only if you express what you want and need. This takes the guesswork out of sex. And satisfying you boosts his ego

·        Be a good listener. And don’t be the kind of wife who puts her husband down in company. For example, avoid interrupting him when he is telling a story of joke or disagreeing with him. This carries over to personal encounters. Listening to him is grat, as there is nothing more gratifying than knowing someone cares enough to give the time and attention to you are saying.

·        Be supportive. If he is poor at handling money, for example, recognize we all have our strengths and weaknesses and try to be understanding. It will help prevent you seething with resentment. Try to lend a hand with bills, perhaps. But be careful not to make him think it’s because you feel he is inadequate in that area. In stead, express it as a way you feel you can help share his burden.