On Rebirth of an Ideal Family
(January 24, 1974) by Ray Dabrowski
It is well known that a home in which moral chaos rules and the spirit of authority is absent is a tragedy for a child. Parents must take the full responsibility for the baneful effects of their misdirection.3 How can a child learn to respect authority when he sees little of proper parental authority exercised in his home: Parents, after all, are to stand as the representatives of God before their children until they reach the age of maturity:4 at home children are to learn respect for rightful authority. In a home where there is respect, love and understanding, between father and mother, a child will find a rightful "basis for respect and obedience owed to those who are legitimately placed in authority over him throughout life, particularly in the church and in the home."5 Parents can hardly expect their child to be saintlike, to obey their wishes and to be reverent toward them, when all the while their homes are ruled by selfish attitudes. We pity the teen-ager, for example, who is expected to be holy when he doesn't even understand what that word means, having never been taught its meaning by the example of his parents. Eventually, without living with adult models of holiness and integrity he doesn't see any adequate reason for loving his parents. Some rebel, leave home, and try to find love and happiness elsewhere. Learning the hypocrisy of their home, they search for substitutes for the love that was missing in their home. They even find. so they think, a substitute for that Christ whose example wasn't shown to them. But these substitutes generally turn out to be highly unsatisfactory. Teen-agers are aware that today's permissive society offers a multitude of easy "solutions' and answers. They recognize that they are living in an ever-changing culture, whose participants no longer read the fifth commandment as it as meant to be understood. Modern youth rephrase the command: "I will love and honor my parents if they leave me alone." Sociologists suggest that whether this philosophy is sound is not important. What is important, they say, is that children are challenging traditional standards. Often when youngsters in a home say that they want to be free and left along, they mean that they are looking for something or someone they are not finding in their home. They want to be happy. If they have had a Christian upbringing, they want to go to heaven, but not on human love standards; they want to go there on the standards of God-ordained love. Many do not see this love in their homes: they don't know what obedience is all about because they have never been shown that love requires obedience. "The word 'obedience' does not ring pleasantly in some modern ears, but those who resent it as 'regimentation' must assume their share of the blame for the alarming rise in juvenile delinquency in recent years."6 "Children who rebel against the "must" of obedience must naturally be corrected and helped to see that it is just and proper to acknowledge the authority of the parents.. Parents are obligated to provide for the needs of their children, not those of material value only, but also those of love. The proper relationship between the mother and father, the discipline exercised, the education provided, and the properly presented example of godliness are necessary in order that children may feel that they are on their way to the kingdom of heaven. They know that the reward is there and they wand it. Parents are to show the way. Rewards of "Narrow Path" In this age of materialism, the rewards of which the Bible speaks and to which Jesus refers, for example, when He says, "and you will have a rich reward," 7 may seem to many Christians as being something like this: "Johnny, if you be a good boy, you may have a piece of candy!" We tend to operate from the viewpoint that all the promised rewards are concrete, material, and tangible; and we expect them to be in that form. But the religion of the "narrow path" also brings blood, sweat, and tears--immaterial rewards of godliness. Although they may be immaterial, they are nevertheless of eternal value and reflect in no less farm the promises of blessedness of which we read, for example, in the Sermon on the Mount. Whatever else may be involved, the reward for obedience is clearly a spiritual gain. The Christian religion is much more than a pie-in-the sky philosophy, Trust in God carries its own reward. He who loves the Lord, obeys His commands, and cooperates with Him who gives him life eternal, will accept the trials that the religion of Christ may bring, and understands though experience that he is indeed being rewarded with good things. To obey the Lord also implies trust in Him. Built-in Rewards The reward that is in store for obedient children includes also a long life full of blessings on earth. The divine gift of life provided by God alone can bring fullness of blessing if a "wholesome family life" is based on trust and obedience--obedience of children to the temporary authority of their parents leading to obedience to the everlasting authority of God. The admonition given to Christian fathers "provoke not you children to wrath' (Eph. 6:4) poses several serious considerations that are often overlooked in the home. "Unjust, improper parental treatment angers the child so that it cannot honor the parent. A long list of parental faults may be drawn up under Paul's summary, which would include arbitrary, inconsistent foolish, harsh, and cruel treatment. Parental authority is easily abused. The prevailing sin is Eli's softness. careless indifference, the children rule and dishonor the parents, the parents obey. Turn the home upside down and the results must be according."" 8 Ellen White also calls attention to what happened at Eli's home. "His great desire was to avoid and pleasant feelings in the home. He remonstrated, but did not demand. His blind affection for his sons led him to shrink from taking any decided action against their wicked course" 9 Today's children are asking for guidance and it is the duty of parents to satisfy their desires in this respect.. Only then as a proper relationship within the family circle is developed will trust, respect, and love permeable our society. The religion of Christ, as is that of Judaism, is a family religion. The emphasis on proper relationships between fathers and mothers and between parents and their children is lost somewhat in our so-called Christian world. Perhaps our reconsideration of the questions children are posing will enable us to re-establish our homes and families in the way God intended them to do. First, parents and children alike need to realize that to live Christian lives today means to live their lives by the standards Christ introduced. "Before parents can teach their children correctly, they must themselves learn in the school of Christ."10 Second, if we want to live in the future in the eternal kingdom of heaven, we must begin to live by the standards of that kingdom now. The children "have a right to such on education and training as will make them useful, respected, and beloved members of society here, and give them a moral fitness for the society of the pure and holy hereafter." 11 If our homes are mere dormitories, let us begin at once to establish the ideal family life that Christ talked about: "Here are my mother and my brothers. Whoever does the will of my heavenly Father is my bother, my sister, my mother.'" 12 Ray Dabrowski is managing editor of the Polish Publishing House in Warsaw, Poland. (R&H. January 24, 1974) REFERENCES 1 Ex.. 20:12. N. E. B. 2 Eph. 6:1-4. N. E. B. 3 The SDA Bible Commentary. on Eph. 6:1. 4 See Patriarchs and Prophets. p. 308 5 The SDA Bible Commentary. on Ex. 20:12 6 Ibid., on Eph. 6:1 7 Luke 6:35. N>E>B. 8 R. C. H. Lenski. to the Ephesians. and to the Philippians. p. 650. 9 Ellen G. White. Review and Herald, Jan 29,1901. p.259. 10 -----. Ibid. 11 The Adventist Home. p306. 12 Matt. 12:50: |
